


adventures in learning to be kind (gansey is bad at feelings but that's not his fault)

by luckcat



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:00:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26243065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luckcat/pseuds/luckcat
Summary: "When Ronan had first met Gansey he had not quite understood Gansey’s relationship with his parents. He had been mystified at the stress (that Gansey would pretend not to have) when he got news that he was going home for the weekend. To him home was someplace to revel in, something sacred."Mostly just really short pieces about Gansey being bad at his feelings + gansey's friendship with ronan (and also everyone else). Featuring Gansey figuring out the whole "some people dont live with politicians and have to hide their feelings 24/7". I maintain that Gansey is kinda an emotionally repressed mess and Ronan was the one with a smidge of emotional common sensei've tagged everyone who appears but this is primarily ronan + gansey centric at the moment
Relationships: Henry Cheng/Richard Gansey III/Blue Sargent, Richard Gansey III & Ronan Lynch, Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 8
Kudos: 43





	1. beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first piece of fanfic i’ve written so please be kind, that being said if you feel anyone is out of character too far or see any grammar mistakes i made constructive criticism is always appreciated (by appreciated i mean if u give me any i will in fact love u forever). also im posting this without having someone beta it so i apologize for any errors. come say hi on tumblr [@czernydefencesquad](https://czernydefencesquad.tumblr.com/)
> 
> i have another couple of chapters written but i have to make them intelligible first <3

When Ronan had first met Gansey he had not quite understood Gansey’s relationship with his parents. He had been mystified at the stress (that Gansey would pretend not to have) when he got news that he was going home for the weekend. To him home was someplace to revel in, something sacred. He remembered being horrified when he had figured out that even when Gansey was much younger he was expected to blunten the edges of his fear before he could receive comfort. That going home for Gansey meant spending the day on edge trying desperately to stay within the bounds of the web of politeness that the Gansey family spun.

* * *

  
The first time he had met Gansey they had both been in the hallway at Aglonby, milling around on their way outside after school. They knew each others faces but not names, they could be generously described as acquaintances. Gansey had gotten a phone call from his mother and by the end of it had been obviously upset and trying to hide it. This was before tragedy had broken Ronan, and before Ronan had reassembled the shattered pieces into something you could cut yourself on. He had spilled the books and papers in his arms for an opportunity to talk to Gansey and make sure he was okay. Gansey had been mortified by this but Ronan promised that he wouldn’t tell anyone that he had seen Richard Gansey the III cloaked in anything less than unflappable charm (there was a small amount of teasing involved but it was friendly). Gansey didn’t tell him what he was upset about, but he did take the time it took to track down Ronan’s latin homework from under a locker to compose himself again. And he did sit next to Ronan at lunch the next day.

They had quickly become the kind of friends that were inseparable, and Gansey often took refuge from helping with his parents latest political campaign/fundraiser/meeting-with-an important-person-who-ran-an-important-project by claiming that he was busy with school projects and needed to do group work at The Barns. Aurora, to her credit, had seen the mask Gansey wore around almost everyone, had seen the tension that hid under his surface, the way he tensed and then pretended he hadn’t whenever he heard a the buzz of a fly. This meant she had been more lenient than she had needed to be with convincing the Gansey family that the boys were in fact very busy with school. (And not, for instance, trying to figure out how to ride a cow.)

* * *

  
The event that had solidified Ronan’s disgust with Gansey’s parents was when Ronan had had gone on a weekend with the Gansey family early into their friendship. He had been horrified when witnessed first hand that Gansey’s mother’s first thought when Gansey had flinched at the buzz of several enthusiastic flies was to check who would see them making a scene. He had watched incredulously as Gansey’s mother had dragged Gansey through three rooms of people while subtly hissing at him to keep it together before depositing him in an out of the way bedroom and going back to the party to ‘keep up appearances’.

Ronan’s urge to follow her to berate her had only been quelled by the knowledge that he was the only person there to comfort Gansey. They had both been younger and it had seemed less monumentous for Ronan to approach Gansey softly and awkwardly comfort him. Neither one of them had realized then how uncharacteristic this would be for the Ronan of the future. Once Ronan had convinced Gansey he wasn’t mad at him and the worst of Gansey’s panic had passed Gansey had contented himself with playing with Ronan’s shoulder length hair. He spent the rest of the evening attempting to braid it, while Ronan had told him as many stories as he could remember. It was a surprisingly soft moment and one that both of them refused to acknowledge to anyone else.

Later that weekend Ronan would get himself banned from Gansey family events for making a series of quite rude comments to Gansey’s mother when she apologized to him for Gansey’s panic attack and the fact that her son was ‘rude enough to have obliged him to stay with him’. Ronan’s only regret about that was that he couldn’t be there to comfort Gansey the next time.

Gansey would tell him that it was simply the way things had to be, that things were more important than his fear, than his feelings in general. That it was selfish for him to be upset when he knew better. Ronan was not particularly skilled at dealing with this and would occasionally simply drag Gansey to the kitchen and dump him in front of Aurora who would attempt to explain to Gansey that feelings weren’t a negative personality trait.

Ronan ached at the fact that Adam had never gotten to meet Auora before his father had died, while she was in Cabeswater she had been alive but some of what had made her Aurora had been missing. Ronan had been desperate to wake up the dream cows both in the hope that Aurora would be free to do what she wanted, and in the desperate hope that he could finally put down the burden he had been carrying, that his mother would simply scoop the weight off of his shoulders in the same effortless way she always had. He had wanted it that for Gansey as well, he knew that Gansey was still carrying all his old burdens, plus some new ones, plus was the reliable point in Ronan’s life. He knew that in the months that Gansey and Aurora had know each other they had been close. That Gansey had been given a brief taste of what family that was simply kind to you was and that Aurora had been snatched away from him as well.

* * *

The appearance of Gansey being the one who supported Ronan was accurate now, but for the most part Ronan was one of the people who had taught Gansey to care like that. There had been a brief period that only Ronan and Gansey remembered where Ronan had been a point of comfort in Gansey’s life.

* * *

Ronan was a curious thing. Although his parent’s deaths had broken something inside of him that he thought would never heal the same, he had at one point known soft comfort. He was raised by a dream creature built for loving things fiercely . When he was young and had fallen and hurt himself, or scared himself, or was simply sad down to his bones for reasons unknowable to him, Aurora had always been there (or Declan, not that he would admit it now). He had not realized until much later in his life, in his opinion it was slightly embarrassingly late, that not everyone was raised by a parent who they could lean on when they were sad. (the author has intentionally left Niall Lynch out of this paragraph)

* * *

After his parents were both gone he had had Gansey. There had been a number of times where instead of going out street racing or finding trouble Ronan had simply dragged himself-and a laptop playing some dumb movie as an excuse-into Gansey’s bed and let himself fall apart a little (the catch here is that it had to be just a little, they both knew that they couldn’t cope with more than that) curled against Gansey. They had never really spoken about it explicitly but Ronan knew that even now he would not be turned away. It wasn’t the same though, Ronan knew Gansey’s weak spots, knew that more often than Gansey would admit the situation would be reversed and Ronan would spend a sleepless night comforting Gansey. They both knew that if either one leaned too hard the whole structure would crumble.


	2. fundraiser (present)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Gansey was simply sitting quietly in the driveway, his head was bowed slightly and he was taking great shuddering breaths, the drivers side window was rolled down. Other than that he was completely still, his limbs caught between tension and exhaustion."

  
It was after everything had happened, and Gansey had been dragged to some political fundraiser weekend with his mother. He had complained the entire week before, infuriating Blue who had snapped at him that she would be grateful if she got to spend a time eating shrimp in a fancy hotel. Henry had seemed more sympathetic but had also seemed to miss the tension that filled Gansey before his trips home. Ronan he didn’t say anything to them, his stance being that if Gansey wanted to explain that was his own business. 

This line of logic had been derailed quickly enough. Adam and Ronan had been planning on spending the weekend together. It was the beginning of a lazy Saturday morning, sun streaming blearily through the blinds. Ronan and Adam had fondly bickered over who had to go make coffee. They were currently in the kitchen debating the merits of eating some cereal and going back to bed to snuggle more or attempting to make pancakes. 

This was interrupted by the crunch of tires in the gravel outside. Alarm coursed through both of them. It took Ronan a long second to poke his head back above the counter. Peaking through the window Ronan saw the familiar orange of the pig glint back. He mentally sighed. 

“Just Gansey” his voice was a little sharper than he probably meant. That tended to be a theme when he was afraid.  
“Scared the crap out of me. He couldn’t have called first”

“Ha.” Ronan’s laugh was over the fact that both of his phone wes still charging beside the bed upstairs. And over the fact that Adam was suggesting that he would pick up the phone when he was called.

The pig’s doors still hadn’t opened. At first Ronan had thought this was merely Gansey on some mildly harebrained errand or that had simply stopped by to say that he was back from his mom’s dumb fundraiser. But because the moment of him sitting the car was becoming achingly long Ronan found and pulled his slippers on (They were grey bunny slippers that Adam had found on sale and thought would be funny. Ronan secretly loved them. He had also threatened to set them on fire.) and murmured a half explanation to Adam before padding out to investigate. 

Gansey was simply sitting quietly in the driveway, his head was bowed slightly and he was taking great shuddering breaths, the drivers side window was rolled down. Other than that he was completely still, his limbs caught between tension and exhaustion. Despite the fact that Ronan ever did anything quietly and he had quite deliberately stomped over more loudly than usual Gansey still startled to see him at the window. 

“Asshat. What are you doing in my driveway? Blue said when you got back you were taking her and Henry on a date” Ronan would have pulled off being gruff more easily if he hadn’t been using the same tone he used with Chainsaw when she was nervous. Adam, for his part, was waiting on the porch. 

It was alarming to watch Gansey put his mask of being okay back on. It was made more alarming because Ronan could clearly see the shake of his hands. The fact that Gansey wasn’t subtly hiding them meant that he hadn’t noticed they were shaking. Gansey’s quick smile was always a little tragic, but it felt even more that way when he was trying to summon it and couldn’t quite make it look real.

“I just wanted a moment of air. And to call to make the reservations to the restaurant we’re going to before I pick them up. I’ll just be a second” This lie was blatant for a variety of reasons; the fact that Gansey’s phone had been thrown onto the back seat, the fact that Blue would have never agreed to eat somewhere that required reservations, the fact that the Barns were not on the way to Blue’s or Henry’s, the fact that cell service was notoriously spotty at the Barns. The fact that Ronan had given Gansey a good ten minutes before he had come to investigate and Gansey had very obviously not been doing anything except sitting.

“If you want you can come in and use the house phone instead of your shitty cell. Adam just made some of that god-awful tea and I don’t want to have to drink it.” This was as close as Ronan ever got to diplomatic. Adam overheard and decided that he had better at least start making tea. Some people would have remarked that Ronan was handling the situation remarkably well, it was only remarkable if you didn’t realize that it was a practiced exhange.   
It in the days before it had been a semi regular event: a young Gansey being ‘politely requested’ to attend some event that benefited the rest of his family and then returning seeming a little hollow. Gansey managing to keep his mask on just long enough to get back to Ronan, to somewhere that felt safe, before he fell apart. Ronan was experienced at this even if it had been a while.

“I’ll be late” the answer Gansey gave seemed slightly foggy. His words were a moment too slow. Ronan thought the most distressing thing was that Gansey was still trying to look like he was alright, like he was happy. Even when he was about a minute away from having a full blown panic attack in Ronan’s driveway.

“Then call them. Don’t be a shit. Come inside.” Ronan said all this in an even tone while reaching through the open window to unlock the drivers door. It was a testament to the fact that Gansey was spent that he didn’t object. 

“Only for a minute” Ronan pulled a little on Gansey’s arm. Gansey sighed, he did not pull away, he leaned into the touch just slighly. He got out of the car. Ronan did not let go of his arm, fingers surprisingly gentle.

* * *

  
Gansey let himself be pulled into the house, deposited on the couch. Ronan disappeared himself into the kitchen. There was the vague background murmur of Adam asking why the hell there was a surprise Gansey on their couch and Ronan replying something uncomplimentary about Gansey’s parents that served as the second half of his earlier explanation. 

A cup of tea was pressed into Gansey’s hands, it was surprisingly un-terrible. Ronan settled onto the couch beside him. He felt an arm around his shoulders. 

Ronan’s even voice “Do you wanna tell me what happened?”

“They booked the entire event in these botanical gardens. I think it was for some green initiative or something. I mean it should have been fine, we had to watch some lecture on alternative pollinator research at the beginning of being there.” a pause “I know it’s stupid, the gardens were safe” a shuddering breath “They had all these specialized flies. They noise they make sounds the same.” Gansey while saying all this was very busy memorizing the details of his mug. He was using the flat tone he used when he was trying not to sound upset. His tone was failing miserably

He missed the glance between Ronan and Adam. The one that said that Adam had suddenly understood why Ronan had not been more rude. The one that said Adam had gone from mild annoyance at his quiet weekend being disrupted to concern about Gansey.

“Its not stupid. Your mom is just an ass who cares more about her political campaign than you” Ronan said. 

This was not precisely true, Ms. Gansey cared at least equal parts about her son and her career. She just was the opinion that being polite and dealing with your feelings later were admirable skills and that it didn’t hurt her son to have to practice them occasionally. She perhaps did not know how well her son could pretend to be okay and therefore did not know what she was asking of him. 

Gansey exhaled. It was a great shuddering noise, it sounded a little like something collapsing. In a very uncharacteristic moment he set down his mug on the floor, turned, and buried his face in Ronan. Ronan hugged him with the same care he took with Chainsaw, the baby mice, or Adam, or any of the other things he loved. It was startling for Adam to see Gansey so vulnerable, so small looking. It was startling to see Ronan being so gentle to anyone else.

Gansey didn’t quite cry exactly. That trait had been instructed out of him when he was young. Or perhaps it had simply been bread out of the Ganseys as a whole. He simply almost-cried, a process that looked more painful than letting actual tears flow. Ronan rubbed his back, hand moving in small circles. 

Ronan nudged Gansey’s tea out of the way with his slipper, the ears on his slipper waved at Adam, who was perched on the other couch with a look of concern and puzzlement. He was trying to reconcile this Gansey with all the other versions he knew.

It was a while until Gansey had almost-cried himself out. Ronan sighed, his whole chest moving with the force of it. Gansey took a deep breath to match. Ronan rustled his hand through Gansey’s hair.

“Your gonna have to explain to them eventually” Ronan’s voice was once gain surprisingly kind. “you know that they won’t judge you if you explain instead of standing them up for a date.” a pause, less kindly “but if you don’t call Blue might kill you herself.”

“I’m not late yet, I gave myself an extra couple hours, told them I was leaving later than I did” This meant, in Gansey-speak, that he had planned to spend an hour almost-sobbing into a pillow at Monmoth before putting himself back together and picking up Blue and Henry like nothing had happened. It was a very lonely image.

“That’s not an actual solution” Adam said. He seemed to have gotten over his shock at the situation and had settled himself onto the same couch as Ronan and Gansey were on. Despite the fact that Adam was not as practiced at the casual touch that the rest of them gave without thinking he scooted slightly closer so that he was pressing into Gansey, just barely. Ronan reached past Gansey and drummed his fingers on Adam’s shoulder. It was reassuring to both of them. 

“Gansey, you’re being stupid on purpose. We all help each other, god knows you should have figured that out by now” Ronan would have sounded harsh if his voice had been less gentle, if he had not been letting Gansey curl under his arm to hide from the rest of the world.

“It just feels… I don’t want to be a burden. You have given me so much. They’ve given me so much.” Gansey was once again speaking to the floor, or maybe Ronan’s bunny slippers.

“Just call them so we can have our couch back. Some of us were enjoying the weekend.” The harsh nature of Ronan’s statement was a direct contrast to the fact that he had one arm stretched around Gansey’s shoulders, fingertips just past to Adam, and the other hand gently working through Gansey’s hair. The familiarity startled Adam slightly, it meant that Gansey had fallen apart like this before.

* * *

In the end Gansey texted Henry, let him explain to Blue. It took longer than Ronan had hoped for Henry and Blue to come screeching to a halt outside, in part because Ronan had refused to answer their call asking for directions. Adam had done his best to try to explain to an understandably frustrated Henry where he needed to drive. 

Henry and Blue had both been confused by Adam letting them in, this was less to do with the situation (it had been explained the best it could be), and more to do with the fact that Ronan was not who they expected to be patiently sitting with Gansey tucked against him.  
There was a flutter of commotion. Henry and Blue arguing about how to get both the pig and Henry’s car back to Monmouth. Gansey looking painfully embarrassed about the whole ordeal and attempting to apologize every time there was a break in the conversation. Blue very sensibly stating that the only embarrassing thing she could see was Ronan’s slippers. Blue asking him what on the earth had happened. Her not quite understanding the answer of ‘botanical gardens are dangerous places’. Ronan’s sarcastic voice explaining that bugs happen to like botanical gardens and Blue’s sudden understanding. Blue sitting on the couch and suddenly having an entire Gansey on half on her lap. Ronan using the opportunity to flee to the kitchen with Adam.

* * *

  
“It’s kind of funny isn’t it” 

“What?”

“We’re not the mess anymore. Now we’re the sensible ones and they’re the ones trying to figure out what the hell to do”

“Your gonna jinx us Parrish. Fucker. Where did the sugar go?”

* * *

  
The Gansey/Blue/Henry mess stayed curled on their couch for a while. Gansey had for the most part calmed, his frantic look being replaced by exhaustion as his body figured out it was safe. Eventually they were kicked out, with Henry, Blue and Gansey all squishing themselves into the pig. Henry made Adam promise very solemnly that he would not allow Ronan to steal his car until he came back for it. Ronan made Henry very solemnly promise not to mention is bunny slippers to anyone (Ronan also attempted this with Blue. She laughed in his face.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!! hope you enjoyed!! im on tumblr @czurnydefensesquad if you want to come say hi/give me any feedback. comments are supper appreciated i would absolutely love to hear what you think!! (also im sorry if this doesn't line up perfectly timeline wise i did my best)


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